This post is part 2 of How to Deal with Unruly Kids.  Check out part 1 here.

Probably one of the key things a person needs to realize when disciplining a child is:

Relationship = Respect

Kids do not respond well to people who are correcting them if that person does not have a relationship with them.  I call it the substitute teacher syndrome. Remember when you were in elementary school and there was a substitute in class? The kids would usually act more rowdy. Why do you think that is? The kids don’t know the substitute very well. They are testing to see how much they can get away with. The kids know their teacher very well. They know what the teacher expects. They have developed a respect for their teacher. This is a respect that the substitute hasn’t earned. It is much easier to deal with kids with disciplinary issues when you have a relationship with them.

After spending time with Ian, he developed a level of respect for me. Having a relationship with a kid can help prevent misbehavior problems from happening in the first place. I encourage you to find ways to build relationships with the children in your program. Handing out flyers door to door, taking time to find out more about each kid, or just playing a game of checkers can help you to build relationships with the kids in your program.

I would challenge all those who handle disciplinary issues with kids to not think that disciplining a child is a horrible thing.  Disciplining is a ministry opportunity.  Discipline is a one on one appointment with a child.  Discipline is derived from the word disciple.  We are here to disciple kids.  Sometimes pulling a kid to the side and giving them some direction is what it takes to help disciple kids.

I talked about things that you should do when disciplining a child, but here are a few things that you should not do when you discipline a child.

1. Never ever touch a child. Even if a kid is refusing to move when you have politely asked them to, do not touch them. There are a lot of good reasons why you should never touch a child. For one, there can be huge legal ramifications if the child’s parents felt you forcefully moved their child. Secondly, it doesn’t look good to the other kids, volunteers, or other adults. And thirdly, you are not communicating a Christ like behavior towards the child.
2. Never insult a kid in front of the other kids.
3. Never approach a child aggressively. Many children who have chronic disciplinary problems respond with aggression with more aggression.
4. Never yell at a child.

Stay tuned next week…